Downward Emotions

Friendships. I do not feel any special connection with people here. My friends here are those that I generally hang out with, people who you have fun with, but not share deeper feelings with. Everything seems so superficial, not substantial. I cannot talk to anyone about my problems, my thoughts, because I am afraid that I will be judged, that they will talk behind my back. Also, I am scared they will not understand what I feel, but will not say it to my face. Most of the time, I do not deem them reliable nor trustworthy. There is just a certain void, emptiness inside me that I cannot explain. At times, I catch myself curled up in my bed, crying and wishing I will be in Manila when I open my eyes, my Mom hugging me.

My main problem is the way I handle these situations. At the back of my mind, I know I shouldn't worry about it or should not read too much into it, but NO! I overanalyze situations with too much negativity. Moreso, I have this fright of people not liking me, talking behind my back or just betraying me (which makes my mind think the worst). Who doesn't? But mine is ultimately worse than most people I know. I lack the positive outlook that I need to live through these challenges in my situation. Sometimes, I try to be nonchalant, but it usually doesn't work because I wear my heart on my sleeves too much. I always want to talk about things, even if I know I should just shut up and suck it up.

These depressing or rather down times make me miss my family and friends back home even more, people who I grew up with and who understand me in and out. They are people I can be honest with, people who will not judge me but rather embrace my flaws and offer me uplifting advice. I miss the times when I pick up my phone at 11 at night and hearing Mo's or Jorwin's or Gladys' voice asking me to go out for coffee, just to chitchat and talk about everything under the sun. It seems like, yeah I can do it here too, but it feels different with people you have known your whole life.

That's my rant for this week. And I tell myself I have to appreciate what I have right now and make the most out of it. When life gives me sour lemons, I should turn then into sweet lemonade.

Cannot get this song off my mind, ever since I heard Elliot from American Idol sing it last week: "A Song to You" by Donny Hathaway

I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs
I've made some mad rhymes
I've acted out my life in stages
With 10,000 people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

I know your image of me is what I hoped to be
I treated you unkindly
And darling can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Baby can't you see through me
Cause we we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

You taught me precious secrets
Of a true love, you wanted nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
Now I'm so much better
And if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody
Cuz my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for my life
You're a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We we're alone and I was singing this song to you

McDeal No More

McDeals are dunzo. For some unexpected reason, McDonald's has decided to stop selling their everyday McDeals. Instead, they have a choice of three kinds of burgers that can be purchased everyday for $3.99 as a meal. Standard. People who have lived in Canada all their lives are so used to having the everyday McDeals that it feels so weird going to McDonald's without asking "What is the deal for today?" I have so many great experiences with the McDeals before. I remember my friends and I used to go to McDonald's after clubbing. Quarter Pounder Meal, Supersized. Double Cheeseburger Meal, Supersized - All for a mere $5 or less. But now, we have to pay regular price for it. Although I only eat McDonald's once every 2 months, I feel sad for Sterling and his friends coz they love the McDeals.

On to other things, I joined my first every Vancouver Sun Run yesterday. The turnout for the event was absolutely crazy. 50,700+ people participated the annual 10K event, with a scorching 18 degrees. Weather cooperated. It was tiring but fun and fulfilling. I ran only 1K and walked the rest. I finished after 110.38 minutes. YAY! Should be more prepared next year. That means lots of training. My goal next year is less than 75 minutes.

Back in the Groove

I have to get used to this blog thing. I honestly did not care writing things down because I feel incapable of putting into words my everyday life and thoughts. Then, last night, while I was reading some of my entries from a year or two, my thoughts brought me to that point in my life. And I found it funny to read the things I wrote and at the same time, felt the growth I have made the past two years. And I didn't think I would re-visit my blog again if Laurice did not ask me if I still write on my blog. So, a BIG thanks to her.

So, what to write today? Well, I pity Suri Holmes-Cruise for having a terribly psychotic father. I don't know if I am the only one who finds Katie Holmes the ugliest pregnant mother. Honestly, her skin's breaking out and hers bags are just so evident. Older people say that if a preggy lady's face is glowing, she will be having a baby girl. I guess that does not apply to Katie Holmes. 1/10000 misses? Because she is carrying Tom Cruise's baby! How fate works: Brooke Shields gave birth on the same day, in the same hospital. Her room was only doors away from Katie's. Interesting to see how Tom covers up Katie's post-partum depression.

And I pity Nick Lachey. If anyone has not read his latest interview with Rolling Stones magazine, here's the link:

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/9962414/king_of_pain?rnd=1145540942328&has-player=true&version=6.0.12.1212

The guy has serious issues. I think he needs Jessica back. But if I were him, he's better off without her and PAPA Joe snooping around them. I do not like him, but I feel he is at a major disadvantage in the whole divorce situation (unless Jessica gives him spousal support/alimony, that is).

Reality shows.
~American Idol - Yay, Ace is out! Kelly is still in the running.
~Amazing Race - Yay, non-elimination round! My dear hippies, please please beat the Casanovas! Honestly, this season is not as interesting as the other seasons because there are no mean people like Rob/Amber, Flo, the Weavers or Jonathan/Victoria.
~America's Next Top Model - This show never ceases to amaze me. They come up with cool techniques and photo shoots. Jade keeps the show interesting (She was so fake in the last episode!), but I hope she does not win. Go, Joanie!!!

Sterling's Post

wfvofekmlmkbugvygdtfcfvbjhjb i'm done

i am so hurt bec lianne doesn't love me :(

Bwisit Shiznit

Lots of things to be bwisit about:

1. Everyday I sit at work wondering when a new posting will pop up. My job gets a little bit boring and my brain is getting rusty. I feel the necessity to study something and the urgency to feel challenged. Don't get me wrong, I love my co-workers. They are great (Well, except for some), but I just need a change of environment.

2. The Canucks are not in the playoffs for the first time in years. I am just a new FAN, but I am disappointed in the way they played this season. I guess, everyone's expectations are too high.

3. I am not going to yoga as much as I want to. I only go twice a week which does not do anything to my "figure." I just had a huge dinner with Sterling's family today. Eating with no exercise is very very very bad, my friends!

4. I spent $150 on my highlights and I am still not used to it (after two days). Ok, I will give it some time. I am getting lots of compliments anyways, for the "courage" of having to cut 6 inches of my flowing mane. Hehehe. Applause please.

That's all.

Sterling is looking at me right now while I finish typing my blog. He is making cute faces with those big brown eyes with the rest of his face hidden behind the laptop. He thinks he's adorable and he's right. And I don't like it because I <3 him too much to get mad at him while he's taking ugly pictures of me. But I like the feeling...:)